Thursday Thirteen #8: 13 Pieces of Spam in my Inbox

13. All Famous BRANDs Rep1icaWatches at AffordablePrices, Japanese & Swiss Movements.

Um. No. Why do people buy things from these stupid spam stores??

12. Swiss Lotto Promotions: Internet Emails Award Call Your Claims Agent (Mr Luis Johnson)

Dear Mr. Johnson: This is the 787th time I've won a European lottery. Oddly enough, I still have to balance my checkbook every month to make sure nothing bounces.

11. Make Algae Biodiesel at Home!

Wait. What?

Do you suppose I can make it from my moldy bread? Mold... algae... same family, right?

10. 1 hour to fall in love with Captain Cooks.

This Captain Cook? No? Good.. cuz, I'm not really into necrophilia.

9. Full video without cowards Nicole Richie.

Take a look at that photo... no coward would be with her. I think you'd have to be very, very brave. Yes?

8. Subject: :o)

That is, hands down, the nicest piece of spam I've ever gotten. I was almost tempted to open it.

Almost.

7. All participants will receive a bonus.

Participants in WHAT? And... what kind of bonus? An STD, perhaps?? Hmmm...

6. Donation From Mrs Susan Morgan.

Anything that begins "Dearest one in God" freaks me out just a bit. And, most assuredly there is no one else in the entire country of Kuwait she could find to give her bazillions to. I am so blessed.

Want to buy a bridge?

5. This is extremely important for your health.

It is?? SPAM is important (sorry... EXTREMELY important) to my health? And here I thought spam was bad for me. Who knew?

4. 2оо8 г.- руководителю зарплата в белую ЮиБюу.

Um.... Hmmmm.... Well....

Anyone speak Russian?

3. do u want good pay job? World recognized University Dip1oma/Degree/Bacheloor for you

What I want is for u idiots to stop emailing me. If I wanted a bacheloor degree (::rolls eyes::), I'd probably get it from someone who could... oh... SPELL!

2. ViagraCailis from $1.26 per pill, Fast Delivery Guaranteeed, save $ with us

Again, I say this: If the "pharmacy" can't even spell the drug name right, I'm supposed to pop the pills into my mouth? Cialis isn't that far off from Cyanide. Am I right??

And, lastly... I've combined a couple that deal with one issue: sexual performance:

1a. Few simple steps to dominating in bedroom

Um... does this have anything to do with whips and chains?

1b. Can your male problems be cured with a pilule?

Honey, if my male problems could be solved with a pilule, I'd be all over it.