Recently, while out on the town with my cousin and some college friends visiting Vegas I was faced with this dilemma: Do I own up to what I do when it might change the way someone looks at me? Can I live with myself if I lie about it, because I love what I write?
"No, way!" One of the guys with us was boggle-eyed and obviously not a believer. "YOU? The girl who doesn't drink alcohol? Who only drinks soda all night long? No WAY!" Then he tilted his head, "Nevermind, I can totally see it." I guess he was remembering the fact that I don't need alcohol to dance on the bar/tabletop with the other goyles... or maybe he was remembering thirty minutes before when I switched out my super-heavy sweater for my cousin's much lighter one all while sitting at our table in the club (in my defense it was sweltering and she wasn't using hers... and no skin showed.. okay my arm and shoulder did). Nevertheless he demanded proof of my "OTHER" job.
Unfortunately... or fortunately depending on your outlook... my cousin pulled out her iPhone and punched in the Long And Short website where my three short stories currently reside. If it was possible (and believe me it was) his eyes bugged out even more, "I'll have to read this later... when you're not around. HERE, program it into MY iPhone!"
Now, while I DID program it for him, I didn't call him later to ask if he had indeed read them after I was no longer around. A very large part of me was glad he showed an interest (along with all the other people in our group)... but I wasn't all that surprised. He is after all a guy and if it has sex in it they're all for it. The other part of me was a bit embarassed though, and that made me a bit angry. WHY was I embarassed about something I love doing, I enjoy reading, and that has quite a large number of fans?
Honestly? Because, I didn't really want to change that Status Quo we had come to rely on. I didn't want to have to explain why I chose this genre... or if I'd actually done the things I write about. Because, while I adore them... there are just some things that they don't need to know about me. If my hubby had been with us I know that he would have smiled and said he loved the research aspect of it (like someone else has said HER hubby likes to say... ahem... Nina), but looking my friends in the face I smiled and changed the subject. Don't worry, they brought it back up again later, and I had made my peace with them knowing, so it was all good.
But the question still remains... WHY am I embarassed when the subject comes up (except with certain members of my family, my cousin to name one)? Am I the only one who struggles with telling someone I've known "before" the writing? Believe me, it's not something I'm going to be telling my Mother-In-Law that I do, and other more judgemental members of my family don't need to know either as they already make some family gatherings... interesting, but I LOVE what I do and I'm not ashamed, but I am embarassed to explain. So... anyone else have these issues? I'm just wondering.
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