What's the Difference?

I know I am not the most worldly person and I admit that there are things that I say without thinking. Who doesn't? But the conversation I had the other day was a real trip.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine about the difference between romance and erotica. IMHO, they are puppies--every St. Bernard is a puppy, but not every puppy is a St. Bernard. Romance can be sexy and alluring but it doesn't have to have all the hinky parts. Then again, you can have a story full of hinky sex that has no romance in it.

So what's the flippin' difference?

Why do I ask? Well, I wrote a story with lots of hinky sex (m/m and f/m/m). But the premise of the story is that one of the males and the female are still in love (never really fell out of love) but male is bi so he wants his former wife and his new male partner. The conflict is whether or not the male partner can accept female outside of sex and fall in love with her. Plus, there is a narcissistic restaurateur who wants to cause problems. Person read it and said, this is a great erotic piece, but romance? Not quite.

So I ask for your thoughts.