Friday Fun

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Happy Hump Day!

Author Interview ~ Tracey H. Kitts

Welcome, everyone, to another Monday interview! I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday if you celebrated last week… or even if you didn’t. LOL

Today, on the couch we have with us author Tracey H. Kitts. I told her when she showed up that she matched our décor today… which was news to her! Just goes to show she was meant to be here today.

Welcome to The Menagerie, Tracey. So glad you could join us and hang out all day today. Let’s get started with some basics and then get down to the nitty-gritty. Where are you from?

The middle of nowhere. LOL Seriously, has anyone ever even heard of Graceville? Didn’t think so. Then again, strange things always happen in movies when people are in the middle of nowhere. Maybe that’s where I get some of my inspiration.

Hmmm… can’t say that I’ve ever heard of it… sorry. Not sure I like the whole, “strange things can happen” idea of living in the middle of nowhere… I have a fertile enough imagination thank you very much. So, tell us your latest news?

I have just started working on a new project and for now I’m calling it “Sex Symbol.” And yes, it is a paranormal romance. Hopefully, that sounds intriguing. Here is the beginning of my current work in progress.

My next door neighbor was the hottest thing on two legs. No, really. You should see him. There is no way to accurately describe a man like this. He’s around six foot three with short, shaggy brown hair and a body that could cause heart failure. I didn’t know anything about him except the way watching him each morning made me feel.

Our small, sleepy little community was what I’d always categorized as “dead.” That is until three weeks ago when he moved into town. The house next door to me had been vacant for two years. No one was murdered there or anything sensational. The real estate market was poor and no one had been interested. Most people didn’t want to live in the middle of nowhere. There were two kinds of people here: the kind who were born here and the kind looking to escape from something. I was born here.

Ooohh, sounds intriguing! When did you first consider yourself a writer?

It may sound weird, but I’ve always considered myself a writer. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was very little. With me it was more a matter of ‘when do I want to do this?’ than ‘is this for me?’ I always knew this is what I’d end up doing with my life.

Nope, doesn’t sound weird at all. Makes sense to me. I can certainly relate, except in my case it was, “Do I really want to wait any longer to do this?” Do you have a specific writing style?

I like to write the way I speak. I guess that’s why first person comes very easily for me. Although, I can write in third or anything else if the story calls for it. But, first person is my favorite to read and it is my favorite to write. The conversational style really flows in my opinion.

I’d have to say that you’re braver than I am. LOL. Are story experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?

There’s always a little bit of reality in my stories that way, but names have been changed to protect the guilty. LOL

LOL, but I’m sure they know who they are when they read the story. What book are you reading now?

The Phantom of Manhattan by Frederick Forsyth. It’s a continuation of the story of The Phantom of the Opera.

Sounds interesting. Do you see writing as a career?

Absolutely, it’s the best job in the world. I look at everything I do as a career decision. I try to make sure that every story I write is not only worth telling, but worth reading. Would I read this? If it interests me then chances are it will interest others.

I agree, to all of that. :-D What does your family think of your writing?

When my family found out I was writing romance, most of them didn’t have a lot to say. People still look down on romance and I think that’s a real shame. Once I got into more erotic stories (which didn’t take long) I had neighbors (one in particular) who cursed at my aunt and said that my books were porn. What’s really funny about the situation is that the book she had a fit over (Red, Lilith Mercury book one) was only rated sensual. She should have waited for book three when we choke a vampire with a belt while doing some, um … interesting things with him.

Ha, it’s funny how people react to what we write. I have an aunt who looks down her nose at any type of romance. I can only imagine how my very conservative in-laws would react to what I write. Porn would probably be a nice term. What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your books?

I’ve learned that characters do speak to you. They wake you up in the middle of the night, interrupt you when you’re reading, watching a movie, listening to the radio, and especially if you’ve had too much to drink. I’ve had characters that turned out to be completely different than I thought they would be the minute they hit the screen. (so to speak)

That is honestly one of my favorite things about writing. Never knowing where the story will go. I’ve had stories that I finished that ended up going in an entirely different direction than the original story was once I really got to know the characters. And now for the “absolutely-nothing-to-do-with-writing” questions: Do you hate how you look in pictures? Why or why not?

Sometimes. I always think I look fat. Except when Stacey (my friend and photographer) takes my picture. He is an artist for sure because he makes me feel good about myself.

Is this Stacey the one who took your absolutely gorgeous photo up there? Loving that photo of you. So, you can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

That one time when I was at my grandma’s. I was wearing green pants and my cousin tossed an alligator at me. Yeah, you read that right. I jumped back, snagged my green pants on a tomato trellis and ripped them, revealing my violently purple underwear. Oh, yeah I’d like to erase that. LOL

Oh, hon, you sound like you know my stepbrother… and in the south… what is it with boys and their alligators? What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching Trick r Treat. Awesome movie.

Hmmm…. It sounds scary, I don’t do scary well. Might take a look if it’s not scary. What’s a saying you use a lot? Where did it originate from?

I use a lot of bad words and I use them often. I could give a rather comical breakdown of their meanings and origins, but I don’t want to offend anyone.

As you can see we aren’t easily offended. :-D What do you want to know about the future?

When will I be rich and famous?

I wonder that all the time! I think we all want to know. What stereotype would you label yourself as?

The fiery redhead.

So, keep back when you’re angry. Check. Do you like thunderstorms?

I love thunderstorms. Might as well since we get so many hurricanes in Florida, huh? Seriously, there is nothing more relaxing to me than the sound of a good storm. I get some of my best ideas then.

I like storms… and ideas seem to have more flow at that time. If you could wish for anything, what would you wish for?

A cure for cancer. That’s why 10% of all my royalties are donated to St. Jude Children’s Hospital. I’ve lost relatives (adults) to cancer and the thought of a child suffering like that breaks my heart even worse.

Thank you so much for hanging out with us today, I hope you had a good time.

Thank you so much for having me. Here are the links where readers can find more information on me and my books.

Tracey H. Kitts
Grab life by the fangs


www.traceyhkitts.com - website

www.myspace.com/traceyhkitts - myspace

http://traceyhkitts.blogspot.com/ - my author blog

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/forbidden_fruitisalwayssweeter/ - yahoo group

Diary of an Incubus by Tracey H. Kitts

Jewel Mathers needed a good story for her next novel. She turned to the ancient journals in desperation. But fame and fortune comes with a price … and a couple of hot vampires.

Jewel was in enough trouble after she accidentally published Vincent’s diary. But now the head of the vampire council, Alucard, wants her for himself. Her fate is in his hands. How will she ever choose between them? Especially when her life may depend on that choice.

Rating: Carnal.

Book Commercial ~ The Dread Moon by Tracey H. Kitts

The Dread Moon by Tracey H. Kitts

Lilith's reputation as the best in the business has spread, and not just to the lycanthrope population. She's just been hired to find the original vampire. The vamps want what everyone else wants, equality. However, she will soon realize that the original vampire isn't just out for blood, or the return of rights to his people ... he wants Lilith too.

Rating: Carnal-violence, adult language, and situations, sex scene with autoerotic exphixiation.

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Want to see your book commercial here? Go here to find out how!

Friday Fun

ORGASM TYPES

Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S'moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms

Merry Christmas!

Wishing all of our readers a very Merry Christmas!

Happy Hump Day!